You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
did i just pee glitter
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
