Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
and you fell through a lawn chair
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
