why didn't you poke me back
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
