meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
