sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
