I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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