I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
