Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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