The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
