This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
