Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
