...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
