what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
