Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
