Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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