do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
