No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
