I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
