I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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