There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
