all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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