my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
