we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
