I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
