I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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