so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
