So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
