Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
