If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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