I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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