Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
