I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
