Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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