I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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