So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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