with your own penis?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
