i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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