dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
