His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
