Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
