Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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