farters have to be the big spoon...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
