We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
