Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
