I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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