She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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