I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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