and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
