Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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