Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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