I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
