my mouth tastes like poor choices
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
