Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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