This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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