so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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