Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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